Trust is a Risk

Trust is at your own risk.

When you try someone else's food, you trust that it's not poisonous.

You gotta trust that nobody's gonna pour a bottle of bleach in your clothes that you're washing at a laundromat.

Whenever you enter your address on an application or order, you gotta trust that nobody's gonna use that info to track you down and pull up to your home.

I could list countless examples, and I know there's a countless amount of people who could do the same.

I believe that with the more ways people would betray one another and harm each other, trust became more rare, and sensibly so. I've experienced and observed a lot of instances that made my distrust in others grow. Everybody has. I also believe that when you grow up in a toxic environment for too long, your distrust can lead to paranoia.

Throughout everything I've observed and experienced, I'm grateful and surprised that I have as much of trust left in people as I do. I think that's mainly because I've come across a lot of genuine people who have made it easy to trust, and for them I will always be grateful. However, I also have a very large portion of distrust in people. I see my distrust in people as bittersweet because; on one hand, I think I've been able to avoid a lot of dangerous moments before they would happen; on the other hand, I tend to misinterpret certain instances for something they're not.

I notice that a lot of strangers, especially when they're men, have a hard time understanding my distrust, and a lot of times I feel like they're too inviting (which makes me distrust them even more). I've had some men invite me over to their house on the first meet up, and all I could think of is, "what makes you so sure I wouldn't try some shit?" I think that way, not because I would actually try some shit, but because from their perspective, they don't know me how I know me.

I then realize that they may never had the need to feel or think that way, so that's probably why they don't understand.

Trust is needed in everything. Especially in relationships with other people. And as important as it is to trust people, it's also important that people trust you. I had to gain the trust of all of my loved ones in a different way and at a different pace, because each of them had different distrusts.

Trust is hard to maintain and easy to break, and I know I've broken the trust of some people before, so I try my best to avoid from breaking it again. Because I understand how important and relieving it is to be able to trust and confide in somebody. Because when the trust is there, you can be open and vulnerable, and that's an important thing to experience. It's a beautiful thing when people are open and vulnerable around you because you see the full version of them (sometimes though, people's true self may not be appeasing to you). I feel very honored when people trust in me, especially when I trust in them. I pray that everyone has someone they can trust and confide in.